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"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing. Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish? |
 
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My girlfriend was looking through my DVD collection. "What's 'Fight Club'? I've never heard of it," she said. It's good to see the system's working. |
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"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss. "Just pop it in the corner," he said. It took me three hours. |
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My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. "Well," she said, "I've lost a stone. Can you see a difference?" I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. "The beach has lost a stone," I said. "Can you see a difference?" |
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Joke
by Milo in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 months ago - Current Score: 794.2
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I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav. I still got there. |
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My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids. But I laugh more. |
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Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East. |
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"I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey. "That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked. "Not on eBay it isn't!" I said. |
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The new "Freedom Tower", which is replacing the fallen Twin Towers, is almost built. Al Qaeda are calling it, "Level 2". |
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A woman walks into a bar. "Why the long face?" Asks the barman. An hour and a half later, he was regretting it. |
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