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"Am I allowed to call a police officer a cunt?" "No, sir, you are not. That would be an insult." "Would it be OK if I called a cunt 'Officer'?" "Yes, sir. That would be weird, but allowed." "Good night, Officer." |
 
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"What would you like?" says the barman.
"What would I like?" says Bob. "A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife." "No," says the barman, patiently. "I meant what do you want?" "To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!" "What's it to be?" says the barman, less patiently. "A boy or a girl, I d [...] |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 553.4
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"I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad!" "Wow, your dad's a millionaire?" "No, but he always wanted to be." |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 516.4
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Little Johnny is boasting again: "My big sister can put a whole lamp up her bum." "What do you mean?" says his mate. "I heard her say to her boyfriend, 'If you put the lamp out, I'll take it up the arse.'" |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Little Johnny (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago - Current Score: 353.2
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A little girl opens the door to find a priest with a collection tin. "What can I do for you, Father?" "I'm collecting for the orphanage." "Just a moment," says the little girl, closing the door. The priest waits patiently, then suddenly hears first one gunshot, then another. The little girl returns to the door and says: "OK, you can take me now." |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 265
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A young woman goes into the butcher's shop with her baby: "My scales have broken down. Do you think you could weigh my baby for me?" The butcher takes the baby into a side room and returns after a while with a plastic bag: "3545 grams ... without bones." |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 254.2
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The short-sighted English teacher calls out,
"You there at the back! Recite the poem I asked you all to learn!" "I can't do that." "May I ask what you were doing last night?" says the teacher. "I drank a few pints with my mates, played some poker, did a few lines of coke and shagged my bird." "That's unbelievable! I'm starting to wonder why you even bother coming to school.&quo [...] |
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On a train. "Are you travelling to Manchester?" "Yes." "And what are you planning to do there?" "Get off the train." |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 194.8
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"Would you like anything on your chips?" "Does it cost extra?" "Ten pence." "All right, I'll have four sausages and a steak pie." |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 4 months, 19 days ago - Current Score: 192.6
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My mate told me he was no longer engaged to his girlfriend. "Thank fuck for that," I said. "She was an ugly bitch anyway." Now I'm nursing two broken ribs and a black eye... it seems I missed the wedding. |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 183.8
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