At the start of the exam, the invigilator says, "You have exactly 2 hours. I will not accept any papers after this time has elapsed."

Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, "Time's up, Ladies and Gentlemen."

One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later when the invigilator has all the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to a [...]

At the start of the exam, the invigilator says, "You have exactly 2 hours. I will not accept any papers after this time has elapsed."

Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, "Time's up, Ladies and Gentlemen."

One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later when the invigilator has all the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it. The student puffs up his chest and says:

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

"No," says the invigilator.

"Great," says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward."

The golfer glances at his golf bag.

"Some golf clubs wou [...]

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward."

The golfer glances at his golf bag.

"Some golf clubs would be nice," he says.

Two weeks later, the Sheikh's secretary calls him up.

"We've got your golf clubs," she says, "but the Sheikh would like to apologise to you in advance: only three of them have swimming pools."

"What would you like?" says the barman.

"What would I like?" says Bob. "A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife."

"No," says the barman, patiently. "I meant what do you want?"

"To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!"

"What's it to be?" says the barman, less patiently.

"A boy or a girl, I d [...]

"What would you like?" says the barman.

"What would I like?" says Bob. "A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife."

"No," says the barman, patiently. "I meant what do you want?"

"To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!"

"What's it to be?" says the barman, less patiently.

"A boy or a girl, I don't care."

"You misunderstand me," says the barman, impatiently, "I only asked what you want to drink."

"Oh," says Bob, "I see. Why didn't you say so? What have you got?"

"Nothing at all," says the barman. "I'm perfectly healthy."

"Do you see that 14 year old with the baby?"

"Fucking slag!"

"She was raped at 13 and decided to keep the baby."

"Oh."

"Do you see that young boy over there?"

"Fat little fuck!"

"He has a severe hereditary illness and will die if he doesn't take the medicine that makes him overweight."

"Oh."

"D [...]

"Do you see that 14 year old with the baby?"

"Fucking slag!"

"She was raped at 13 and decided to keep the baby."

"Oh."

"Do you see that young boy over there?"

"Fat little fuck!"

"He has a severe hereditary illness and will die if he doesn't take the medicine that makes him overweight."

"Oh."

"Do you see that man over there?"

"What an ugly cunt!"

"His face was burned while he was saving four children from a burning building."

"Oh."

"Do you see that man over there?"

"Fucking Paki!"

"Yeah. Fucking Paki."