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I've just bought a border collie. The one I already had wasn't bored enough. |
 
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This morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my youth slipping away before my very eyes. So I said, "Oi, get back in that bed, I'm not finished with you yet." |
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"Will you pass me that saffron and nutmeg please." asked my wife. So I passed her the saffron then headbutted my daughter. |
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I went into the fines office today to pay a speeding ticket, the clerk said, "How would you like to pay your fine?" "Cash and you're not too bad yourself." I replied. |
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My brother is borderline schizophrenic. Whenever an illegal immigrant crosses it, he goes fucking mental. |
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I've just found out my new girlfriend can't bear children. Which is fine by me, I hate the little bastards too. |
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I've just got my first job interview in two years! Until then I'm going to have to sign on. |
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| I'm thinking about buying a greyhound, don't know what the wife is going to say so I'll run it by her first. |
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| I've just killed my only child and buried him in concrete, and now I'm going to sit and watch the son set with my wife. |
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I've just had a flash back. I flashed my cock at a girl and she got her tits out. |
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