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1443440
Iain Duncan-Smith: In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked.

I think he's referring to Buckingham Palace.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Celebrities - Royalty (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 412.2


1223608
One Dies, Millions Cry. Millions Die, No One Cries.

The difference between Whitney's death and the wank I just had.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 370.8


1386193
Some kids stopped me outside the shop earlier and said, "Hey mate, will you go in there and get us ten Richmond?"

"Sure I will," I replied, taking their money.

On the way out I gave them their sausages and informed them they only come in packs of eight.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 7 months ago - Current Score: 317


972112
I've come up with the perfect system that pays out every time I go to the bookies.

Watch who wins then mug them on the way home.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Crime - Theft - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 310.6


957703
I've just bought myself a hyena.

Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Other - Stupid - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 236.2


1228439
I've just played the Nigerian version of Cluedo.

It turned out to be Abasiama Dideoluwakusidede, in the mud hut with somebody else's bank details.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Racism - Nigerian - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 207.2


1270026
"Eat your carrots!" Said my wife to our son, "They'll help you see in the dark."

"And don't forget to eat your runner beans" I butted in.

His future victims don't stand a chance.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 201.4


1331626
I've just bought a border collie.

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Other - Wordplay - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 192.2


1226852
Just before I was sentenced to life in jail I decided to get a tattoo of my wife's face on my arse cheeks.

Whoever tries raping me now is a braver man than I.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 179


1435020
This morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my youth slipping away before my very eyes.

So I said, "Oi, get back in that bed, I'm not finished with you yet."
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Other - Wordplay - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 171.8



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