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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Accidents

76087
I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:

I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not.
 I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by cc1957 in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 3,865.4


72123
Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.

It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by geemack in In The News - Terrorism (+ 2 more) - Added: 4 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 3,821




106427
I got stopped by a woman in the street today.
She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"
I said, "Yes, she's nearly 2 now." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Turbo-Tampon in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 4 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 3,795.6


101324
"UK Students Die In Safari Crash"

I bet they wished they'd just stuck with Internet Explorer now. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by buzzlightyear in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 4 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 2,148.6


81556
My Girlfriend had a horrific car accident and has been left in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

A shame really - I'll miss her. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by iamgazza in Illness and mortality - ??? Other (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 1,459.4


76233
The Travolta family love their computers and games consoles.
I bet they didn't like the Wii fit their son had though. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Gash TL in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 1,240.2


794292
I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.
Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty... 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by analmonkey, originally by Phil Pagett in Events - Christmas (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,022


15322
A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding its load across the carriageway.

Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bennycmufc in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 931


17777
A radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"

Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."

DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictiona [...]

 I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Shabby in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 5 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 803.2


675703
Sky News: eight-year-old girl found dead at a North Wales holiday camp.

North Wales for a holiday? My money's on suicide. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Cecilthewonderdog in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 789.6



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