Jokes under Sex and shit > One Night Stand
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I was picking up my 4 year old son, James, from daycare but he was late out. I saw his classmate Sophie standing with her mother and thought I would just ask her how long he would be.
As I said her name she looked up at me, teary eyed, and I asked what was wrong. She replied "My mummy is selling my pussy because we need money". "Really?" I asked in response as I looked at her mum, she showed a look of guilt. I said to her "How much for one nig [...] |
 
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Joke
by Gazza2907 in Sex and shit - One Night Stand - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 686.6
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I took a girl home from a club last night. As soon as we got inside the front door she was all over me like a rash, kissing me all over and rubbing her hands over my body. Leaning her mouth to my ear I could feel her hot breath as she whispered, "Time to show me how hard you really are." Quick as a flash I punched her to the ground and kicked her teeth out. |
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Joke
by ray piste in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 428
| I don't consider them as one night stands, they're auditions. |
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Joke
submitted by mingeta, originally by Someone else but it appeared in Today's paper so I stole it! in Sex and shit - One Night Stand - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 355.2
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The other night I pulled a girl in a nightclub and brought her back to mine for a shag. Just as we were about to get down to business she hesitated saying: "I don't want to be just another notch on your bedpost." "Not to worry", I said as I slipped it in, "I don't count the fat ones." |
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Joke
by dredge in Sex and shit - One Night Stand - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 279.8
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I was out clubbing last night when I went up to this fat beast of a woman standing alone at the bar. Feeling confident I simply said, "Sex?" She said, "Eww, fuck off I would never sleep with you!" I said, "I don't want to sleep with you either, I just wanted to know if you were male or female, you fucking minger" |
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Joke
by kizer in Sex and shit - One Night Stand - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 274.4
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The woman I woke up next to this morning said "You must think the worst of me." "Not at all!" I replied. "I think you're a dirty little slag who loves anal!" |
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Joke
by daiz in Sex and shit - One Night Stand (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 265.2
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If I had a pound for everytime I had sex. I'd have bought a condom and wouldn't be HIV positive. |
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Joke
by bumblesquash in Sex and shit - One Night Stand (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 261.8
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Calling your teacher "Mum" by accident is embarrassing. One of the most awkward one night stands I ever had. |
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Joke
by SimonL in Sex and shit - One Night Stand - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 237
| Teenage pregnancies would be greatly reduced if bars and clubs had better lighting. |
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Joke
by adamscott in Sex and shit - One Night Stand (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 224.2
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Had a one night stand last night. Fucking legs are killing me. |
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