Jokes under Religion > God
| When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. |
 
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Joke
submitted by issachunt, originally by Emo Philips in Crime - Theft (+ 2 more) - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 5,422.8
| And then God created Saturn... And he liked it, so he put a ring on it. |
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BBC News - "Stephen Hawking: God did not create Universe" If God DID exist, he'd be pretty pissed off. In fact, if I was god I would probably have gone back in time and punished Hawking in some horrible way... Nope, no sign of that. |
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Joke
by PepperoniPizza in Celebrities - Stephen Hawking (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 1,540.4
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So The Pope has been knocked over at Christmas mass by a woman who is said to be mentally unstable. That's a bit rich coming from a fucker who would have us believe there's an invisible man in the sky who created the earth in 7 days. |
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Joke
by proudginger in Religion - God (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 1,016
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My wife treats me like a god... She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something. |
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"I'm going to create man and woman with original sin. Then I'm going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child, so that I can be born in human form. Once alive, I will kill myself as a sacrifice to myself. To save you from the sin I originally condemned you to. Ta dah!" God - master of logic since the beginning of time. |
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If God were a vehicle, he'd be an ice cream van. It brings joy to those that find it, but people who closely follow it are paedophiles. |
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Joke
by jabba_da_boob in Sex and shit - Paedophile (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 770.6
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According to the bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10. Anyone think that we could be following the wrong guy? |
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Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's [...] |
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| Some people turn to God, me, I turn to whisky. I don't see any difference, my life is still being guided by a spirit. |
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