Jokes under Religion > Prayer
| When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. |
 
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Joke
submitted by issachunt, originally by Emo Philips in Crime - Theft (+ 2 more) - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 5,424.8
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Who said prayer doesn't work? Dear Lord, I pray that soon I will meet Amy Winehouse. Could your almighty power make this happen? Hans Janek, Age 14, Oslo |
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Joke
by flash2252 in Celebrities - Amy Winehouse (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 562.6
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Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. |
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Joke
submitted by JKSLYR, originally by Ricky Gervais in Religion - Prayer - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 377.6
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A black guy goes into a church and finds the vicar. ''Father!'' he says. ''I need you to pray for my hearing.'' ''Certainly my child,'' the vicar replies. So he puts one hand on top the black guys head, and a finger in his ear. After about 3 minutes of hard prayers, the vicar takes his hand off and his finger out. ''How is your hearing now my child?'' the vicar asks. ''Well I don't know,'' black guy says. ''It's not till next week!'' |
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Joke
by bighairybollocks in Racism - Black (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 321.8
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We're not so different from Muslims. Last night I was kneeling on a mat, head bowed and praying to God. The only difference is I was facing the toilet instead of Mecca. |
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My dad is downstairs, watching WWE. What an idiot. Why is he watching it? Doesn't he know it's fake? I'll go and pray to God, that he stops watching it. |
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Beer Prayer Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For ever and ever. Bar-men |
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The mans prayer...
Lord before I lay down to sleep today, I pray for a woman who's partially gay, One who's pretty, sexy and bright, One whose fanny is small and tight, Oh send me a woman who goes like a train, Who swallows your load and wants it again! And as she prays with this in mind, She'd ask me to take her from behind! And when I am done I climb off and thank her, Until you can find her, I'll just be a wanker![...] |
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From Sky News: "A couple who watched their daughter die as they prayed for her to get better - instead of getting medical help - have been jailed." Proof, if proof were needed, that Christians are a bunch of absolute cunts. |
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| Prayer: The idea that God's plans are so unimportant that he will change them if you ask him to. |
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