Jokes under Crime > Assault
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I love going gay clubbing! My only problem is wiping the blood off my baseball bat afterwards. |
 
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Joke
by bigdandestroyer in Sex and shit - Gay (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 1,599.8
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I took the wife out earlier. One punch! |
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This is yet to be confirmed by scientists, but there are rumours that women have a certain 'spot', and if you hit this spot at exactly the right strength, it will make a woman willing to do anything for you. It's called the face. |
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| Anyone who says onions are the only veg that make you cry has never been hit in the face with a turnip! |
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Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet. These taser guns are well worth the money. |
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I walked into Travis Perkins at lunchtime yesterday and some old guy dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the fucker out. |
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Joke
by ChaRleyTroniC in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 5 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 697.4
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At the beach I saw four sandcastles that had been made by some children. So I ran up and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle. |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Crime - Assault (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 637
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I went for a self-defence class last night. The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me." So, when I saw him in Sainsbury's the next day, I threw a tin of beans at his head. |
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I've just been given a six months suspension from football. I caught an opponent with a tackle which actually broke both his legs. I'll admit the tackle was a bit late. He was getting into his car at the time. |
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People that act hard over the internet should stop. Before I fucking deck 'em. |
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