Jokes under Sex and shit > Brothel

The Parrot

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."

"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "It used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don' [...]

The Parrot

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."

"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "It used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up,

"I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "Fuck me, a new brothel and a new madam".

"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman trying not to laugh.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"Un fucking-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.

"In-fucking-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"

A guy went to a brothel and asked for a whore that could take 12 inches. The madam gave him her best one, and the guy went in and started banging the hell out of her, but she started screaming that she couldn't take it. So he goes back to the madam and she gives him another whore. Same thing -- he starts banging her and she starts screaming in pain. He's pissed off now and about to leave when the madam begs him to try one more whore; she assures him this whore will be his best fuck ever. [...]

A guy went to a brothel and asked for a whore that could take 12 inches. The madam gave him her best one, and the guy went in and started banging the hell out of her, but she started screaming that she couldn't take it. So he goes back to the madam and she gives him another whore. Same thing -- he starts banging her and she starts screaming in pain. He's pissed off now and about to leave when the madam begs him to try one more whore; she assures him this whore will be his best fuck ever. So he goes in a dark room and starts banging another chick, and everything's going great; she keeps taking it and he's loving it. Then all of a sudden, she starts foaming at the mouth. The guy gets freaked out and runs out to tell the madam, who brings over the custodian and says "Hey, Frank, the dead one's full again."

A man is sitting at home feeling horny as hell. He digs around the house for loose change and comes up with $10, and heads for the local brothel. He approaches the madam and says, "I only have $10 but I am so horny! Please, please I just want to fuck something!" The madam says, "OK, If you're that desperate I'll let you fuck a goat." The madam instructs him to go to the first door on the right.

Once there, he sees a goat tied to the corner and a large mirror o [...]

A man is sitting at home feeling horny as hell. He digs around the house for loose change and comes up with $10, and heads for the local brothel. He approaches the madam and says, "I only have $10 but I am so horny! Please, please I just want to fuck something!" The madam says, "OK, If you're that desperate I'll let you fuck a goat." The madam instructs him to go to the first door on the right.

Once there, he sees a goat tied to the corner and a large mirror on the wall. He proceeds to go behind the animal and fucks away like crazy. He finishes and leaves.

A couple of days later, he feels horny again, digs around and finds $5. He goes back to the brothel and tells the madam he only has $5 but he's really horny and wants to fuck the goat again. She tells him he fucked the goat so hard he killed it. Instead, she could let him watch two women mud wrestle for $5.

The guy agrees and she instructs him to go to the second door on the right. He walks into a dark room and sees a few guys sitting in front of a large window watching two women mud wrestle. He sits down and says to one of the other guys, "This is great." The other guy says, "Yeah, but you should have been here a couple of days ago when they had some guy fucking a goat!"

A sailor comes back to his home port after a long sea voyage and heads straight for the nearest brothel.

"I need a woman to suck my dick," he tells the madame.

"Sure," says the madame and signals to a gorgeous brunette.

The sailor goes into a room with the whore, drops his trousers and she starts sucking away. After five or ten minutes:

"It's not getting hard, you know," says the whore.

&q [...]

A sailor comes back to his home port after a long sea voyage and heads straight for the nearest brothel.

"I need a woman to suck my dick," he tells the madame.

"Sure," says the madame and signals to a gorgeous brunette.

The sailor goes into a room with the whore, drops his trousers and she starts sucking away. After five or ten minutes:

"It's not getting hard, you know," says the whore.

"It's not supposed to get hard," says the sailor, "just clean."