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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Disease

12900
My dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.

Which, I guess, is why several of my siblings died of tuberculosis. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Unassigned in Illness and mortality - Disease - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 626.4


214117
"Good morning, class. Today we are going to learn about diseases. Can anyone give me a sentence containing the word 'cancer'?"

"I can, Sir!" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Fiddlerboy in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 626




530011
You know you're fit as fuck when you're riddled with Malaria and people still want to fuck you. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Mattfuckingpickles in Illness and mortality - Disease (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 563


237500
The adverts say "Tell your doctor if you have heart disease, kidney disease, or liver dysfunction".

Shouldn't my doctor be the one who fucking tells me? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by birkeneder999 in Other - Professions (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 554.2


31809
A man goes to the doctor for his test results. The doctor says, "Mr Smith, do you want the good news or the bad news?"
"Give me the bad news please, Doc," he replies.
"Okay then," says the doctor, "you're going to die in 48 hours."
The man is shocked and says, "Well, what's the bloody good news?"
The doctor replies, "We're naming a disease after you." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by ElectroHouseMan in Illness and mortality - Disease - Added: 5 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 369.6


168899
My wife's one in a million!
It's not that I especially like her, she has Creutzfeldt-Jakob syndrome. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by TheRandomer in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 334


311969
I have OCD and epilepsy.

I have to turn a light on and off 100 times before I can enter the hospital. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by MRMIdAS in Illness and mortality - Disease (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 211


408908
I'm sick to death of people always taking the piss out of me for having brittle bone disease.

One day I'm gonna snap. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bigstu47 in Illness and mortality - Disease - Added: 3 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 135.8


1443574
Apparently there are more germs on a door handle than on a toilet seat.

From now on I'm opening the door with my arsehole. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Psychic Knitwear in Illness and mortality - Disease - Added: 2 months ago - Current Score: 130.2


808480
My test results came back from the Hospital today. My doctor said, "Go home, enjoy yourself, make tonight count because it may be the last time you ever see your wife."

Every cloud has a silver lining. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Baldlice in Illness and mortality - Disease - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 125.6



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