Jokes under Illness and mortality > Doctor
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Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away... or is it just one of Granny's myths? |
 
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"Shit, I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow." "Just cancel it. Tell them you're sick." |
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Joke
by Little Red Rooster in Illness and mortality - Doctor - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 260
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My wife had been suffering from crippling stomach pains for a couple of days, so I advised her to go to the doctor's. When she returned and told me she was HIV positive I was absolutely devastated. I had a brilliant cancer joke lined up. |
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Joke
by oor wullie in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 2 more) - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 178
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When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years. |
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Illness and mortality - Doctor - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 177.8
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"I've got good news and bad news," the doctor told me. "Allright, I'll have the bad news first then," I replied. "You have terminal cancer." "What's the good news?" "The good news is for the other patient." |
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Joke
submitted by sam23, originally by Cyanide and Happiness in Other - Stupid (+ 1 more) - Added: 7 months ago - Current Score: 137.6
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I phoned my boss and told him I was sick. "I'll see you here at nine," he said, and hung up. I fucking hate working for a doctor. |
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My doctor told me I should watch what I eat. So I've booked tickets for the Grand National in April. |
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Joke
by Bushey_Oneliner in Illness and mortality - Doctor (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 131.8
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The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey. Also, I'm calling myself "the doctor" now. |
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My doctor said, "Err, ..Mr Smith, ...I got your little note declaring your undying love for me." I said, "Yes? Do you like it? Do you feel the same way?" "Well I'm very flattered," he replied, "It's just not something I expect to find during a Prostate examination." |
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I went to see my doctor today. "Can you have a look at my cock and tell me if it looks normal to you?" "No" I said. |
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