Jokes under Sex and shit > Dildos
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A female police officer is claiming compensation after tripping over a kerb in an unlit area. Someone should have told her that the long black thing with batteries in, which she was given when she joined the force, is actually a torch. |
 
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The wife and I were opening our Christmas presents, when I unwrapped a giant pink dildo. I said to the wife, "This is obviously for you." She laughed, "How do you know?" I replied, "I asked for a black one." |
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I saw a sign outside the Greengrocers saying, 'Cucumbers, (loose) 75p'. Cool... I think I'll get one for the missus since they've got her size. |
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I recently bought my wife the latest ultra-realistic dildo. It goes soft before she reaches orgasm. |
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I knocked on a lady's door today. I said, "Hi, I'm going door to door because I need the community to sign a petition that allows our local business to test our products on animals, will you sign?" She asked, "Depends, what is it you're making?" I replied, "Dildos." |
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Joke
by Rocket11 in Other - Animals/Insects (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago - Current Score: 12.8
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Whenever I cook a rabbit my daughter says that I'm sick and refuses to eat dinner with the family. It all stems from an unfortunate incident two years ago when I forgot to take the batteries out. |
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I just found a video on my missus' phone of her ramming a massive dildo in and out of her cunt. It wasn't much of a turn on though, it was like watching a close up of a bulldog chewing on the thighbone of a cattle. |
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| I walked into my mums bedroom and under the bed I saw a suit- case half open. My curiosity got the better off me so I opened the case in it was a leather mask, a leather cape, crutchless leather shorts and a leather whip...... . . . . I couldn't believe it ..my mum . . . . . . . ..a super hero!!!! |
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I bought my wife a Lego dildo for while I'm away at work for the weekend. It's got 100 pieces and she claims it's as good if not better than the real thing. She even made a jewellery box out of the other 97 bricks. |
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£700 for a second hand vibrator for my fat bitch of a wife. Or Jack-hammer as its more commonly known. |
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