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Jokes under Other > Horoscopes

1198569
I read my horoscope today.

Taurus: 'You will meet an old acquaintance. Through no evidence at all, you will also believe every word of this, as you're a feeble minded woman without the tenacity to realise that I'm a fat homosexual making easy money out of gullible morons.'

Ooh! I wonder who the old acquaintance will be! 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Bungditin in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 85.4


1373391
I had a look at my horoscope this morning and it said an ex from my past would suddenly pop up.
So I've been waiting by the canal all day, you know, just in case she actually does. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by GatMan in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 38




1032308
Today's horoscope for Cancer:

Still got it. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by screamlol in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 23


1370685
Leo the lion has just been voted favourite sign of the Zodiac,
after a long battle against Cancer. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by funboy3 in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 20.2


1069206
My wife didn't believe me when I told her that the horoscopes in the newspaper were full of shit.

Then I heard her shout, "John, you dirty fucker, can't you use toilet roll like everyone else"? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by MurderRedRum in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 19


1144759
For a laugh, I thought I'd take a look at my horoscope in the morning paper.

Funny thing was though, all of the star-signs had the same message...

"You are a gullible twat." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Mazer in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 14.6


249472
My Horoscope:

"As an Aries you should be delighted that you are so compatible with Cancer"

I most certainly am not! 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by alfieb92 in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 13.6


1193138
Typical, isn't it?
Well over a week into the year of the Dragon now,
and I'm still writing fucking Rabbit on my cheques. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Cecilthewonderdog in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 9.6


1284103
I went to the doctors today and said, "I've got a rash on my back in the shape of a crab."

I took off my shirt and showed him and he said, "Hmm, I'm afraid that is a sign of cancer." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Piss Flap in Other - Horoscopes - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 9


1126993
I'm into all that astrology stuff, for example my Mum and Dad get on well because theyre both Leo's. Also, me and my sister's boyfriend dont get on because im an Aquarius and he's a bellend I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by ThePunLord, originally by Jack Whitehall in Other - Signs (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 8.2



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