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Jokes under Crime > Squatting

1277223
The Wife kicked me out yesterday and I had nowhere to go. My mates said I should try Squatting.

Well, I've had three shits already, but I'm still homeless.
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Joke by Baldlice in Crime - Squatting - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 10.6


1350324
I've just read that, as from today, squatting is a criminal offence.

Now I'm having to teach my dog a very confusing new command.

"Stand up and shit."
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Joke by philk in In The News - ??? Other (+ 1 more) - Added: 9 months ago - Current Score: 8.8




1057514
Apparently, more than two thirds of people in this country refuse to leave a tip.

I must be one of the other third, because I'm never at the tip for more than a few minutes at a time.
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Joke by ChrisSmallPenis in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 6.8


1074675
The wife and I are heading across to the neighbours for a curry and a bottle of wine, Kim and Alan are on holiday so I don't see the point in stinking our house out. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Stuart Torrance in Crime - Squatting - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 3.6


1350209
Sky News: Squatters to be locked up for breaking into empty properties.

Genius - giving people a home free of charge for taking a home free of charge.
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Joke by malmo.1979 in Crime - Squatting - Added: 9 months ago - Current Score: 3.6


1098709
My old Grandad used to say 'never shit on your own doorstep - there's gypsies for that'. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by jackmeough in Crime - Squatting - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 2


1211763
Romanian Squatters.

Nobody sees them come - and if you tip the bin men a tenner - nobody sees them go.
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Joke by GeordieGerry in Crime - Squatting - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1.8


1452303
Been in court this morning because I was arrested for taking a shit in every empty house in a 100 mile radius of my home.


The judge said Its the worst case of squatting he had ever come across .
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Joke by Chancemyarm in Illness and mortality - ??? Other (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 month, 30 days ago - Current Score: 1.6


997285
Sky News: Government trying to make 'Squatting' illegal.

Fuck me... How am I going to have a shit now!?!?!?
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Joke by skinnybum in Crime - Squatting - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 0.4



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