Jokes under Illness and mortality > Operation
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"Must you really lick the knife?" "Sorry, force of habit," I said, "Loads of people do it though, don't they?" "Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor." |
 
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| As I was wheeled into the operating room, I was begining to have a change of heart. |
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Joke
by birkeneder999 in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 461
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I'm going into hospital tomorrow to undergo a risky medical procedure. I spoke to my surgeon earlier to explain that I was a little nervous, but he reassured me. "There's only a 1 in 100 chance of anything going seriously wrong," he said. "Besides, I've done 99 of these operations before and they've all been fine." |
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Joke
by NinjaBread in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 412.2
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Have you ever taken something apart, had a look inside, then carefully put everything back only to realise you have all these leftover bits? That's sort of why I'm not a surgeon any more. |
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Joke
by Tony1304 in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 352
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BBC NEWS: Boy in China sells kidney for iPad 2 and a Laptop. Shame he couldn't have a Wii.. |
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Joke
by billsley in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 234.4
| When the doctor told me that he'd fucked up my operation, my heart was in my mouth. |
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Things you don't want to hear during surgery
1.Better save that, we'll need it for the autopsy 2.Accept this sacrifice, Oh Lord of Darkness 3.Hand me that, uh, thingie 4.You know, kidneys are worth a lot of money, and this guys got 2 of them 5.What do you mean he wasn't coming in for a sex change 6.I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses 7.So what if I've *hiccup* had a few drinksch!! 8.If this is his spleen, then wha [...] |
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Joke
by chr1s p bacon in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 4 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 124.4
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Just before my operation, the surgeon said to me, "This operation has a nine out of ten failure rate." I was horrified but then he said, "But don't worry yourself, the last nine patients all died." |
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Joke
by mickle in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 4 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 66.2
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My wife asked if her appendicitis scar made her look unattractive. "Don't worry love, I can't see it anyway. Your tits cover it," I said. |
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Joke
by metalgod in Illness and mortality - Operation - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 63.2
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Bonnie Tyler is to have a triple bypass shown live on the Internet. To view, go to 'total e-clips of the heart. com.' |
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Joke
by CallMeSir in Illness and mortality - Operation (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 56.8
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