Jokes under Illness and mortality > Mental Illness
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I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud." Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded." What fun that was... |
 
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Joke
by Sickoldman123 in Illness and mortality - Deafness (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 1,645.6
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Some Scouse cunts wrote "mong" all over my windows last night. It took me ages to lick it off. |
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Joke
by BubbleTits in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago - Current Score: 838.2
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I'm a retarded attention seeker and I'm going to kill myself! And I'm going to do it every day until someone listens to me... |
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Joke
by goonerphil in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 776.4
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"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed." My dog's full of useful information like that. |
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Joke
by lovelyspuds in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 744.8
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Tried to watch a youtube video called 'Wheelchair Kid Sings Lady Gaga' Came up with a message "disabled because of copyright claim." Bit fucking harsh. |
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Joke
by Nickl245 in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 737.2
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My girlfriend is a dirty little minx. When I cum in her mouth, she likes to gargle with it then let it dribble out of her mouth. She may be retarded and unable to speak or move, but I'm sure she is enjoying herself. |
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Joke
by geemack in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 4 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 677.2
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The doctor was on his daily round of the mental asylum and had just entered the room of two of his long term patients. One was sawing imaginary wood into hundreds of pieces and the other was hanging upside down from the ceiling.
"What are you doing?" the doctor asked the first man. "I'm sawing wood," he said, "isn't that obvious?" "Well, what's your friend doing?" "Oh, don't mind him, he thinks he's [...] |
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Joke
by cooperman in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 628.4
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RING
RING CLICK Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline." If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophreni [...] |
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Joke
by mickle in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 5 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 609.2
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siyoung91 wrote: This Thursday on BBC2: Wonderland: Can We Get Married? "Emma and Ben are 28 and have been together for 6 years. They're thinking of getting married but both have Down's syndrome. Will marriage be everything they've dreamed of?" ____________________________________ No because two mongs don't make a right. |
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Joke
by boatshoes in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 588.2
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It recently became apparent to me that the letters "T and G" are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending a works e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again. |
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Joke
submitted by MICK THE MAG, originally by Stewart Francis in Illness and mortality - Mental Illness - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 563.2
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