Jokes under Sex and shit > Animals

This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to get him a beer.
The bartender asks, "Which one?"
The guy says, "Any one, as long as its not Carling."
The bartender then asks, "What's wrong with Carling?"
So the guy says, "Nothing, its just the last time I drank Carling I went home and blew chunks!"
So the bartender says, "That's what happens when you have too much beer"

So the guy says, &quo [...]

This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to get him a beer.
The bartender asks, "Which one?"
The guy says, "Any one, as long as its not Carling."
The bartender then asks, "What's wrong with Carling?"
So the guy says, "Nothing, its just the last time I drank Carling I went home and blew chunks!"
So the bartender says, "That's what happens when you have too much beer"

So the guy says, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."

A miserable looking man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple whisky.

The Bartender raises an eyebrow and says, "That's some pretty strong poison you're ordering, you must be fucking miserable."

The man says, "Well, I just found my wife in bed with my best friend, so yeah I'm feeling pretty bad."

The Bartender is shocked by the man's story so he gives him the drink on the house and asks him to tell the story.

" [...]

A miserable looking man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple whisky.

The Bartender raises an eyebrow and says, "That's some pretty strong poison you're ordering, you must be fucking miserable."

The man says, "Well, I just found my wife in bed with my best friend, so yeah I'm feeling pretty bad."

The Bartender is shocked by the man's story so he gives him the drink on the house and asks him to tell the story.

"I came home and walked into our bedroom, then I saw them together. I told her that we were through and to pack her things."

"And what did you do with your friend?" the Bartender inquired.

"I looked him right in the eye and I said, 'Bad dog!'" he replied.

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replie [...]

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

They say you'll never forget your first kiss. This was mine.

Her name was Sally and she lived next door. My best friend, well for all of that summer. So out playing one day down by the farm, we'd stopped for shelter from a shower of rain in an old barn. I was playfully running my fingers through Sally's hair when she started to kiss me; her mouth slightly open, I could feel her tongue with mine.

It was my first real kiss, and I loved it. I fell head over heels in love t [...]

They say you'll never forget your first kiss. This was mine.

Her name was Sally and she lived next door. My best friend, well for all of that summer. So out playing one day down by the farm, we'd stopped for shelter from a shower of rain in an old barn. I was playfully running my fingers through Sally's hair when she started to kiss me; her mouth slightly open, I could feel her tongue with mine.

It was my first real kiss, and I loved it. I fell head over heels in love that day.

We often visited the barn during that long, hot summer and it didn’t stop at just kissing, but sadly a couple of months later Sally was involved in a car accident and had to be put down.