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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Amputation

38647
If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just yell out letters. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by andino, originally by Demetri Martin in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 4 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 791


774288
My girlfriend's really upset 'cos she lost her legs in a car crash yesterday.

How about me? I bought her a pair of jeans for Christmas and can't find the receipt. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by CarlosDiablo in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 434.4




1282505
Me and the wife were in the shopping centre earlier, where we rounded a corner to see a gaggle of young girls, all wearing next to nothing, pouring out of hmv.
"Phoarr!", I said to the wife, pointing at a gorgeous lass of about twenty. "I bet you'd fucking love to have legs like her."

She didn't respond, but I could tell she was upset.

I could hear the sobs as I wheeled her up the ramp into Debenhams. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Cecilthewonderdog in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 1 year ago - Current Score: 417


515642
Is karate for amputees called partial arts? I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Thatwasfunny in Illness and mortality - Amputation (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 405


45908
One armed butlers.

They can take it, but they can't dish it out. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by Staffer, originally by Tim Vine in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 4 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 378.6


126016
I have a butler with a missing left arm.

Serves 'em right. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by loobybooby, originally by Tim Vine in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 373.8


178
In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.
Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by caliban in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 5 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 324.6


318589
I went to a charity disco last week in aid of women born without legs, dance floor was crawling with fanny. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by #1mackem warrior in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 303.4


1080062
Amputee porn:

I dunno, it's just missing something. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by shit on my panda in Illness and mortality - Amputation (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 259.4


88
Paul McCartney has bought his wife a plane for Christmas. But she'll still use a razor on the other leg I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by JossDude in Celebrities - Heather Mills (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 230.6



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