Jokes under Sex and shit > Shit
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A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone. "Morning!" he said. The other man replies, "No, just having a shit." |
 
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| You know it was a good shit when you come back and your screensaver is on. |
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A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, tits like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail. "What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed. "I'd say 'neither am I'." She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you..." she licked her lips, "easy access..." "Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shit myself in the gents." |
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My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower. I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally." She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!" "Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a shit." |
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Joke
by ElGringoBandito in Sex and shit - Shit (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 1,641.2
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As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door. "I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside." I said. Again, he shouted back. "I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room." I replied. A few moments later my son appeared in the living room. "Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes." |
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Joke
submitted by illegalnature, originally by Bill Watterson in Sex and shit - Shit - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,408.6
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Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forgot what you went in for. It was only when the shit started running down my leg that I remembered. |
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I was having a pretty big shit last night and at the highest point of struggle to drop it out, my mother accidentally turned off the light in the toilet. Immediately I started to scream like crazy, she turned it back on and asked through the door "what's the matter, are you alright"? With a huge relief, I replied: "Nothing, I'm fine, I just thought my eyes popped out". |
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I shit myself going through customs today.... Well i thought it would distract them from searching the contraband in my suitcases. |
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I ended up with a black eye after trying to take a shit the other day. Maybe I should have waited until the person having it had left the cubicle? |
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Shit - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,029.8
| Note to self, when hiring a prostitute whilst on holiday in Amsterdam, never again ask her to "sit on my face" in a 'shilly dutch akshent' |
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Joke
by Spudrifle in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 975.6
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