Jokes under Other > Inventions

The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I told the lady at the desk that I invented a folding bottle. She asked me what I called it.
"A Fottle," I said.
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

[...]

The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I told the lady at the desk that I invented a folding bottle. She asked me what I called it.
"A Fottle," I said.
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

Paddy goes to the patent office, having invented a new mouse trap. It consists of a ramp with a razor blade at the top, set at right angles. Below the drop is a piece of cheese.

Patent officer: "How does it work then?"

Paddy: "Quite straightforward. The mouse walks up the ramp. When he leans over to get the cheese his neck goes onto the razor blade and it slits his throat".

Patent officer: "Stupid git! There wouldn't be nearly [...]

Paddy goes to the patent office, having invented a new mouse trap. It consists of a ramp with a razor blade at the top, set at right angles. Below the drop is a piece of cheese.

Patent officer: "How does it work then?"

Paddy: "Quite straightforward. The mouse walks up the ramp. When he leans over to get the cheese his neck goes onto the razor blade and it slits his throat".

Patent officer: "Stupid git! There wouldn't be nearly enough pressure to slit its throat. Get out of my office and don't come back until you've perfected it".

After months of head scratching Paddy makes a single but vital modification: he removes the cheese. He proudly returns to the patent office and puts the trap on the desk.

Patent officer: "OK, smart arse, enlighten me".

Paddy: "Simple. Mouse walks up the ramp, leans over onto the razor blade and slits his throat..."

Patent officer: "Fuck off, that's exactly the same as before."

Paddy: "No, no. This time he moves his head from side to side saying '"where's the fucking cheese?" "

Job done.