Jokes under Other > Lottery
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A man says to his wife, "What would you say if I told you I'd won the lottery?" She says, "I'd take half and then leave you." "Excellent," the guy says. "I had three numbers come up and won a tenner. Here's a fiver... now fuck off!" |
 
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"If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket. "Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied. "Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said. "My point exactly." |
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I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home. It was the box from my new 65" TV. |
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I won the Lottery last night. I haven't told the wife yet, I can't use my phone on the plane. |
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Joke
by katun in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 670.4
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Can you believe it? This guy wins £181m lottery on Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just two days later. Talk about luck! |
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Joke
by sparkyboy69 in Sex and shit - Love (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 640.2
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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through. |
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Joke
by stash in Sex and shit - Divorce (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 511.4
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A man comes running into his house "I'VE WON THE FUCKING LOTTERY!!" His wife is ecstatic, "OH MY GOD!! REALLY!?" "Yeah pack up some clothes honey" "Should I pack for cold or warm weather?" she asks him. "I don't care honey JUST FUCKING GET OUT!" |
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Joke
by RENEGADEPSYCHO in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 437.6
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Imagine winning £161 million in the lottery, you could buy anything you ever wanted. Except a neck. |
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Joke
by DaveBhoy67 in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 405.8
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My mate said, "If I won £161 million on the lottery, I'd buy Greece for a laugh." I said, "What would you spend the other £160 million on?" |
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My mate asked me, "What's the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?" I replied, "Collect the winnings." |
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