Jokes under Sex and shit > Marriage
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I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. |
 
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Joke
by jimboleem1 in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 2,020.4
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A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets, mate!" |
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My son just said, "Dad, can you tell me what gay means?" "It means to be happy," I replied. "Are you gay, dad?" "No, son. I married your mother!" |
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Joke
by mzzzzagrl in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 1,129.2
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My girlfriend came and sat next to me on the sofa looking miserable.
"Cheer up," I said. "Oh I'm OK," she sighed, "just a bit sad." "You're fab," I said. "Thanks," she said. "You're mine," I said. "I know silly!" she chuckled. "I love you," I said. "Aww!" she gushed, "that's so lovely [...] |
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| I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life'. I said, "No thanks, I'm already married." |
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Joke
by milo123 in Other - Shopping (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 967.2
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A good friend came up to me looking very pale. "My wife's got cancer. They don't think she's going to make it." "At least you'll be free of that bitch in a few months." "Please don't say things like that." "I was only joking, I'm sorry if I offended you." "Oh no, I just didn't want you to jinx it." |
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Joke
by buddy_millet in Sex and shit - Marriage - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 918.8
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I lost my wedding ring yesterday. Had a brief look under the sofa but wasn't really bothered, so my wife told me to look harder. I've shaved my hair and bought a new Nike tracksuit, but I still can't find it. |
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A husband and wife get married young and, on their honeymoon, the wife discovers something quirky about her husband: he refuses to make love with the lights on. This doesn't really bother her so she decides to just let it go and accept her husband's quirks.
Years pass and the husband still remains adamant about keeping the lights off, and the wife starts wondering why this could be. She finally decides to do something about it and, one night, in the middle of a tryst, she turns on t [...] |
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| Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever. |
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Joke
by nayjones1987 in Sex and shit - Marriage - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 836.4
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I said to my wife, "Do you hear that? No one whining, moaning or complaining. The sound of silence. It's beautiful isn't it?" And placed her urn back on the mantelpiece. |
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Joke
by emptyhead in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 819.4
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