Jokes under Crime > Cruelty
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For all the Gamu Nhengu fans; don't worry, you will see her on TV again next year. Keep an eye out in the background when Comic Relief starts. |
 
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| In my spare time I like to lock Muslims in my shed with a bacon sandwich and see how long it takes for the hunger to override their allegiance to Allah. |
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Joke
by blueroshi in Religion - Muslim (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 934.4
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My kids reported me to Social services for hitting them, so I snuck into their room and nailed them together. I figured if you can't beat them, join them. |
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| Whenever I'm bored, I like to think about people with their hands in their pockets falling over. |
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My Mum has had cancer for almost two years now, and sadly is now in the hospice waiting for the inevitable.
I was sitting with her and asked her if she wanted anything. She said she had a craving for a bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk. Being the loving son I am, I went to the local corner shop and picked up a 50p bar of chocolate. But was she grateful when I came back in and said "Here you go Mum, a lifetime's supply of chocolate!!" Was s [...] |
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Joke
by Unassigned in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 413.4
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A woman stopped me and asked, "Can you tell me roughly, how far the station is?" I grabbed her throat and shouted, "About two hundred yards bitch" Then threw her to the ground. |
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My 5 year old son is glued to the TV. It's hilarious, I've also superglued the dog to the window. |
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Crap, my 3 year old has figured out how to open the fridge. We'll have to find somewhere else to keep him. |
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Joke
submitted by Cellar Door, originally by Stephen Fry in Crime - Child Abuse (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 308.8
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The email picture said, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten" How ironic! Every time I kill a kitten, I masturbate! |
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Joke
by Cyberpope67 in Religion - Church (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 300.6
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I had just dropped my son off at his first day at nursery when I got a phone call from one of the teachers. "I'm terribly sorry sir but it appears one of the children has covered your son in Tipp-Ex." "No that was me," I replied. "What?! Why would you do that?!" she said outraged. "He was a mistake." |
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