Jokes under Sex and shit > Oral Sex
| If the secret to a long life is eating oily fish, how come I nearly choke to death every time I go down on the wife? |
 
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Oral Sex - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,359.4
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As my mouth slowly started to fill up with another man's cum, I made a mental note to myself... Never go down on a girl from Essex again. |
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A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, "Mother, where do babies come from? "
"Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled. "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The daughter replies, "Oh I see, but t [...] |
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One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mummy, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other?"
His mother, very surprised, replies; "Honey you know how fat daddy is, I'm jumping on top of him to help him lose weight". The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why... "Mum that's not going to help, because the lady next door c [...] |
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What's the similarity between skydiving and getting a blow job off your granny? Don't look down! |
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Joke
by Geoff the Clownfish in Sex and shit - Oral Sex (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 768.8
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One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" |
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You know, some women would be over the moon to be woken up on their birthday with flowers, a lovely cooked breakfast in bed and twenty minutes of amazing oral sex. But oh no, not MY mum. |
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Sex and shit - Incest (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 656
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What is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, but anal sex makes your hole weak! |
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Joke
by caliban in Sex and shit - Anal (+ 2 more) - Added: 5 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 585.2
| Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate. Bollocks. I don't see him offering to suck my wife's sweaty fanny every Friday night after she's been out watching the strippers. |
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Joke
by mrtippet in Sex and shit - Oral Sex (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 562.6
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I caught my eighteen month old daughter sucking on a penny the other day. I said "No, yukky, Spit it out. Your mouth is for food... ...and when your a bit older, cock." My wife was shocked. "You can't say that!" "She might like pussy!" |
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Joke
submitted by Pikey Chav, originally by Tim Minchin in Sex and shit - Oral Sex (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 557.6
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