Jokes under Sex and shit > Sex Lines
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I met two girls down the pub last night who had strong Cardiff accents. I said, "I know that accent. You two ladies are from Scotland, aren't you?" "Wales, you fucking idiot," one of them replied. "Sorry," I said. "You two whales are from Scotland, aren't you?" |
 
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Joke
by Dubbadubbadubba in Sex and shit - Sex Lines - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,432.2
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A girl said to me earlier, "You've got the body of a God, shame it's Buddha!" I replied, "You've got a face like a princess, shame it's Diana's." That shut the bitch up. |
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I was recently at a night club, and tried to avoid being humiliated by going up to the ugliest, fattest chick and asking, "hey babe, wanna suck me off?" - but it was to no avail, she merely replied, "not in a million years". I ended up at home alone having a wank and crying. You may be wondering what the joke is here. It's me. |
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Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face. |
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Joke
submitted by Liambulmer, originally by Jimmy Carr in Sex and shit - Sex Lines - Added: 4 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 625.2
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A man walks up to a lass in a night club and says "Hi, the names Bond." She says "Don't tell me - your first name's James?" "No," he replies "it's Uni - I'm here to fill your crack." |
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| I've been saving a fortune lately. Instead of spending a fortune ringing expensive sex lines, I ring the Samaritans and say, "talk dirty or I'll kill myself!" |
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Joke
by FELTCHGIBBON in Other - Charity (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 503.2
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sick chat up line: Guy: "Hey, is your dad in prison by any chance?" Girl: "No, why?" Guy: "Because, if I was your dad, I'm sure I'D be in prison." |
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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and, as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436." |
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I was stood at the bar last night, when this girl came up beside me. Looking her up and down, I said, "If I could rearrange the alphabet..." "Let me guess," she said, "you'd put U and I together?" I said, "No fatty, I'd put U at the back of the Q." |
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Joke
by Troubled_Joe in Sex and shit - Pulling (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 414.4
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My mum caught me calling a sex line when I was a kid. She picked up. |
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