Jokes under Illness and mortality > Plastic Surgery
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Doctor: I'm sorry, but you're just too ugly for plastic surgery. I suggest wearing a plastic bag over your head. Patient: Um don't you mean a paper bag...? Doctor: Maybe I didn't emphasize how ugly you are... |
 
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Joke
submitted by LiamHills, originally by cyanide and happiness in Other - Professions (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 473.2
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I recently stole hundreds of thousands of pounds from a bank and I was caught on CCTV. I decided to get plastic surgery from the best plastic surgeon money could buy. When I got his number and phoned him up a woman said, "The number you have dialled cannot be recognised." Fucking hell, he is good. |
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Joke
by scarfymaster in Crime - Theft (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 215
| My wife's breast augmentation went tits up. |
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Joke
by emptyhead in Sex and shit - Breasts (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 116
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My wife stole money off me in my sleep just so she could satisfy her plastic surgery needs. I have to admit though, it was pretty nice waking up with a 12 inch cock. |
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Joke
by Rocket11 in Sex and shit - Penis (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 85
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My mate's got a cock like a baby's arm. He's suing the plastic surgeon. |
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My wife has been going on at me for months about paying for plastic surgery to make her face more beautiful. I said, "But the NHS will do it for free." "You've got to be joking," she answered. "No, really," I said, unscrewing a bottle of acid. |
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Joke
by funboy3 in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago - Current Score: 46
| Update on the leaking breast implant scandal - Britain's leading cosmetic surgeon has recommended that all 50,000 women involved should get their tits out. |
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Joke
by 8 ace in Sex and shit - Breasts (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 45.4
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They say I got my good looks from my father. He was a plastic surgeon. |
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Joke
by Jcfc in Illness and mortality - Plastic Surgery - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 37.8
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I've started saving up for my wife's second boob job. She looks fucking ridiculous with one massive tit. |
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Joke
by emptyhead in Sex and shit - Breasts (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 34.8
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When my pet cat was attacked by a dog I rushed her to the vet. He said, "This looks like it will probably scar but we can give her some plastic surgery" I said, "Ha ha good idea. Let's give her some massive tits. That'll cheer me right up". |
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Joke
by FantasticMrFucks in Illness and mortality - Plastic Surgery - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 30
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