Jokes under Celebrities > George Bush

George W. Bush wakes up one morning, feeling good. He calls in his Vice-President.
"Dick", he says, "I think I need a new title to reflect my position as leader of the free world. I'm going to call myself King."

"You can't do that," says Cheney, "you don't have a kingdom."

"Okay then," says Bush, "what about Emperor?"

"No good. You don't have an empire."

"Prince? [...]

George W. Bush wakes up one morning, feeling good. He calls in his Vice-President.
"Dick", he says, "I think I need a new title to reflect my position as leader of the free world. I'm going to call myself King."

"You can't do that," says Cheney, "you don't have a kingdom."

"Okay then," says Bush, "what about Emperor?"

"No good. You don't have an empire."

"Prince?"

"No. America isn't a principality."

"Okay... Err... Duke?"

"Nor is it a Duchy."

"Well, do you have any better ideas?" asks an exasperated Bush.

Cheney smiles. "It's obvious, George," he says. "You run a country."

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came acro [...]

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."

George Bush, The Pope, Michael Owen and a little boy are on a plane together.

The engines explode simultaneously and the plane begins to hurtle towards the ground. The passengers look for the parachutes and are horrified to find there are only three when they need four.

Michael Owen grabs the first one and says, "I am Michael Owen and the footballing world needs me!" Then he jumps out of the plane.

George Bush grabs another and says, "I am Ge [...]

George Bush, The Pope, Michael Owen and a little boy are on a plane together.

The engines explode simultaneously and the plane begins to hurtle towards the ground. The passengers look for the parachutes and are horrified to find there are only three when they need four.

Michael Owen grabs the first one and says, "I am Michael Owen and the footballing world needs me!" Then he jumps out of the plane.

George Bush grabs another and says, "I am George Bush! I am the smartest man in America and my country needs me to run it!" Then he jumps out of the plane.

Only the Pope and the little boy are left. The Pope says, "I am an old man and have lived my time, you take the parachute, little boy, you have a whole life ahead of you."

The little boy replies, "Don't worry, old man, there are enough parachutes for both of us. The smartest man in America just took my rucksack!"