Jokes under Illness and mortality > Will
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My Dad came up to me today and said, "Son, is there any chance that you can help me write the words to go in my will?" "No problem, Dad," I said. "Just leave everything to me." |
 
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Joke
by Fuckdat in Other - ??? Random (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 313.6
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I fucked my neighbour on the kitchen table against her will today. Only went round to witness her signature but one thing led to another. |
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Where there's a will.... There's a dead person. |
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Joke
by mickle in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 75.4
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In her will, my grandmother stipulated that she wanted to be buried with all of her favorite possessions. Her cat was not happy about that decision. |
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Joke
by isaacjcksn in Illness and mortality - Will - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 51.4
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A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family:
"To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and £2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and £1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought t [...] |
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Joke
by titwonker in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 20.8
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I work as a solicitor. I mainly deal with Last Will and Testaments. I love seeing peoples face light up, when I tell them that there loved ones, or even distant unknown relatives have left them huge amounts of money... Then their reactions, when I tell them its a debt. |
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| "When you were six years old i hadn't the heart to tell you your goldfish was dead and i let you feed a peach slice for two months" mumbled my nan on her deathbed..."I have been giving you tic-tacs for two months and necking your morphine" i whispered back...."you young bastard" she whispered as she quietly slipped away. |
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Joke
by BumFacedGoat in Illness and mortality - ??? Other (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 15.2
| I went to the solicitors this morning to make a will. I walked in and said to the fella behind the desk "I want to make a will" he said "Leave it to me" i replied " Fuck off i dont know you!" |
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Joke
by john3787 in Illness and mortality - Will - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 13.8
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Having received the news I have only weeks to live, I wrote a will leaving everything to my son who lives in Australia. Contrary to that I have promised verbally that my daughter, who looks after me day in day out, shall inherit the lot. I wish I could be alive to see that kick off. |
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Joke
by chiefTbon in Illness and mortality - Will - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 13.4
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My grandfather was buried with my grandmother recently. She put up quite a fight but it was his dying wish. |
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Joke
by Unassigned in Illness and mortality - Will - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 12.2
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