Jokes under Illness and mortality > Depression

60563

Just saying 'No' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day!' cures chronic depression.

Joke by dandan in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 4 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 668.8

Illness and mortality > Depression

331999

My girlfriend is suffering from depression. She phoned me the other day and said, "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing anything to help." So I sent her a timetable.

Joke by mancbatterer in Sex and shit - Girlfriend (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 348

Sex and shit > Girlfriend
Illness and mortality > Depression

398269

Some days you just can't win ... I was down the job centre and told them I was finding it hard to find work because of severe depression, so they said they would put me on "Incapacity Benefit", this effectively doubled my money ... it was the happiest I'd been in months and cheered me up no end! ... So the bastards took it back off me ....

Joke by Underdog in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 3 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 339

Illness and mortality > Depression

54309

I have been so depressed lately that my wife threatened to leave me. Even that didn't cheer me up.

Joke by bawbag in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 4 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 243.8

Illness and mortality > Depression

277494

My doctor said LSD has had a serious effect on my mental health and altered my state of mind to the point where I'm walking around in a constant dream world. I decided to get a second opinion. He must be overreacting because the Lizard King from the 5th dimension of Nazkabar reckons I'm just suffering from stress.

Joke by cockpunch in Illness and mortality - Depression (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 210.2

Illness and mortality > Depression
Crime > Drugs

61600

I'm getting fed up with all the disruptions at my self harm support group meeting. Every few minutes some-one is going for a slash.

Joke by geemack in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 4 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 177.8

Illness and mortality > Depression

794091

Let's take a moment to remember all those less fortunate than ourselves who are currently pissing around on Facebook.

Joke by woodenstrip in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 174.2

Illness and mortality > Depression

52626

People who self harm shouldn't beat themselves up about it.

Joke by MICK THE MAG in Illness and mortality - Depression (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 142.6

Illness and mortality > Depression
Illness and mortality > Self Harming

429801

My doctor has just prescribed me a dose of anti-depressants... ...which I'm not happy about

Joke by Unassigned in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 3 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 126.4

Illness and mortality > Depression

1209722

I work for a depression helpline company. In other words, I make rope.

Joke by Rocket11 in Illness and mortality - Suicide (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 124.6

Illness and mortality > Suicide
Illness and mortality > Depression

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