Jokes under Other > Sayings
| I have a dream: a dream that, one day, chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned. |
 
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Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat the fuck outta them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. |
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Some say that footballers deserve their ludicrous wages, others say that soldiers deserve the money instead. It really makes you think, isn't there some way people who pass their GCSEs could have it? |
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I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say, "He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it." |
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submitted by adamscott, originally by Gizmonix124 in Other - Sayings - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 1,702.8
| "The greatest thing about the internet, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." - George Washington. |
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by PLOP in In The News - Headlines (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 1,404.2
| Fuck seems to know where everything is. |
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Joke
by Randomage in Other - Sayings (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,010.6
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My wife accused me of being self-important. I nearly fell off my throne. |
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by Roll Fizzlebeef in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 937.4
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I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidently knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk. She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said; "Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch." |
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I saw a bloke being completely henpecked by his girlfriend on The Jeremy Kyle Show. You could really see who wears the tracksuit bottoms in their relationship. |
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by ray piste in Other - Sayings (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 883.2
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They reckon you can't judge a book by it's cover. I can. Anything with a picture of a rose and a glass of wine on it is gonna be shit. |
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Joke
by pompeyretard in Other - Books (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 878.2
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