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Hottest Today (10 of 221)
 

1472662
The British Islamic Association has said there is no longer room for extremists within their mosques.

Although a waiting list has been set up. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by jnwwfc1 in Racism - Muslim - Added: 23 hours ago - Current Score: 178.8

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1472812
Conservative MP Bob Stewart has demanded foreign-born preachers of hate should be "put on a plane"

That didn't work out too well in America. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by sonicandfffan in In The News - ??? Other - Added: 17 hours ago - Current Score: 94

1472854
I think all Muslim terrorists who want to voice their hatred for this country should be given a platform to speak from.

As long as it comes with a trap door and a rope. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by stash in In The News - Terrorism - Added: 9 hours ago - Current Score: 93.8

1472723
I'm going to sneak up on a Muslim tomorrow and tug their beard.
And if her husband's got anything to say about it, I'll tug his as well. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by jobbyjobby in Racism - Muslim - Added: 21 hours ago - Current Score: 90.2

1472759
Tory MP Bob Stewart has demanded extremists be put on a plane and sent back to where they came from.

Isn't the Megabus cheaper to Bradford? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by JohnE in In The News - Terrorism (+ 1 more) - Added: 19 hours ago - Current Score: 79.2

1472836
It is very true when people say that the Woolwich murderers only represent a very small proportion of muslims who live in the UK.

They could speak English for a start. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Bigglesbear in In The News - Terrorism (+ 2 more) - Added: 13 hours ago - Current Score: 43.2

1472917
I was watching TV when my wife sat down beside me, stroked my cock through my jeans and whispered, "Fancy a fuck?"

I said, "You're after something..."

"No I'm not," she protested.

"Yes you are," I said. "You're after Match of the Day. Come back in an hour." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Biscuit777 in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 5 hours ago - Current Score: 41

1472791
I got 99 problems. I can only find 2 of my dalmatians. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by AndrewM96 in Other - Animals/Insects - Added: 18 hours ago - Current Score: 40.8

1472750
In which country do sheep fall from the sky?

Bahrain. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by TheAncient in Other - Stupid - Added: 20 hours ago - Current Score: 28.8

1472783
How does an angry muslim close a door?

Islams it. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by irbaboon in Other - Wordplay - Added: 19 hours ago - Current Score: 21.2

More from today.

Hottest This Week (10 of lots)
1470640
If your phone gets wet, leave it overnight in a bag of rice.

It'll attract an Asian, who will fix it because they're good with electronics 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by broken-english, originally by The Fat Jew in Other - Advice (+ 1 more) - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 403.2

1470599
I got a call today from a distorted voice saying "Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"

Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by graeme130287 in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 262.8



1471904
Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry sent prayers to the victims of Oklahoma.

I feel like an idiot now, I only sent money. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by Trainspotting, originally by Ricky Gervais in In The News - Natural Disasters - Added: 2 days ago - Current Score: 259

1472587
I had a phone call from the school today.

They said, "Your son has just spray painted 'Muslims Are Cunts' in giant letters across the playground."

"You must be joking?" I said, "I don't believe for a second that he's actually done it."

"Well, he did."  she replied, "I watched him."

"Fair play then," I said, "I owe him a tenner." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by SilverSprint in Racism - Muslim - Added: 1 day ago - Current Score: 257.8

1471537
I hear that McDonald's has branches in Africa now.

The customers must prefer them to tables and chairs. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by 8 ace in Racism - African - Added: 3 days ago - Current Score: 244.8

1471595
I met a bloke from Oklahoma this morning.

In my garden. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Nick Kay in In The News - Hurricanes - Added: 3 days ago - Current Score: 212

1470798
So David Beckham's career is over but, on the bright side, at least now he has something in common with the wife. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by mcpsicki in Celebrities - Victoria Beckham (+ 1 more) - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 200.4

1471991
Police have revised down the death toll in the Oklahoma tornado after realising that locals who were reporting their brother, dad, uncle and grandfather as missing were actually just reporting the same person. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by niceguyeddie in In The News - Weather - Added: 2 days ago - Current Score: 199.8

1472662
The British Islamic Association has said there is no longer room for extremists within their mosques.

Although a waiting list has been set up. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by jnwwfc1 in Racism - Muslim - Added: 23 hours ago - Current Score: 178.8

1471129
I wanted my girlfriend to suck my toes, but she just wanted to kiss my lips.

After much negotiation I persuaded her to meet me half way. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by midasmonkey in Sex and shit - Blow Job - Added: 5 days ago - Current Score: 170.6

More from this week.

Hottest This Month (10 of lots)
1463924
Gods don't kill people.

People with Gods kill people. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by MrSickGuy in Religion - God - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 643.4

1464787
I just explained Google images to my mum.

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by pedro pongo, originally by Twitter @cluedont in Sex and shit - ??? General - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 553.4



1466358
I bumped into my ex in town earlier, I said:

"How's your new bloke?"

"He's twice the man you are," she sneered, "what about your new woman?"

I said, "Thankfully she's half the woman you are, you fat cunt." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by 2ShinyBalls in Other - Insults - Added: 2 weeks ago - Current Score: 475

1465110
I couldn't believe that ITV broadcasted the sex offenders' register.

Then I realised I was watching the credits for Coronation Street. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bushwhacker in TV - Soap - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 467.8

1465773
"Sorry, I'm sweating like a nigger on a rape charge."

"That's not a problem. Would you like me to ask you the question again?"

"Yes please."

"To the charges regarding racism in the workplace, do you plead guilty, or not guilty?" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Biscuit777 in Racism - Black - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 450.2

1464630
I went to see a house earlier with period features.

My wife hates it when I call her that... 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by jimmydclarke in Other - Wordplay - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 424.2

1470640
If your phone gets wet, leave it overnight in a bag of rice.

It'll attract an Asian, who will fix it because they're good with electronics 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke submitted by broken-english, originally by The Fat Jew in Other - Advice (+ 1 more) - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 403.2

1470045
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.
It reminds me of why there is no fucking money in there. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by istvan66 in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 1 week ago - Current Score: 388.4

1466658
Hans Lipschis, 93, has been arrested in Germany on suspicion of having been a guard at Auschwitz during the Holocaust.

He admits to working there, but claims he was only a cook.

I doubt that claiming to have been in charge of the ovens is going to help his defence much. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by 8 ace in In The News - Holocaust (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 weeks ago - Current Score: 381.8

1465697
My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with.

"Eleven," I replied.

"Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.

"No," I said, "I'm their coach." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Snikoggs in Sex and shit - ??? General - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 378.8

More from this month.
Newest Today (30 of 221)
(0 new since last update)
1473010
What's red on the outside and brown on the inside and makes people laugh? A bus full of Muslim extremists driving off a cliff. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by gandhis sandal in Racism - Muslim - Added: 3 minutes ago - Current Score: 1.2

1473009
When I was a kid I always had to wear my school shoes for two days running.


Why our PE lessons were so tough is beyond me. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by danglefunny in Other - School - Added: 10 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1473008
After an extremely one-sided affair, the final score is:

Woolwich Arsenal 2-1 2nd. Battalion of the Royal Regiment of Fusiliers
(M.Cleaver, Knife) (Drum) 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by johnny midnight in In The News - Headlines - Added: 14 minutes ago - Current Score: -3.8

1473007
An arabic chap told me the other day he's a Qatarian, but I had to tell him I never watched Star Trek I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by scottipedia in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 16 minutes ago - Current Score: 1.8

1473005
Just heard that a plane from Pakistan had just been diverted to Stanstead escorted by fighter jets and 2 passengers have been arrested for endangering the passengers and plane, apparently they both farted. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by scottipedia in In The News - Terrorism - Added: 22 minutes ago - Current Score: -2.4



1473004
My sister freaked out earlier when I almost caught her in her underwear, she made me wait outside till she changed into her bikini... I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Dano1036 in Sex and shit - Underwear - Added: 27 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1473003
I hate people who use decimal numbers.

If I was in charge, I'd round them all up. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Milo in Other - Wordplay - Added: 34 minutes ago - Current Score: 7.2

1473001
Before I hit the town, I always have the three s's, shit,shower and shave.

Now the girlfriend has gone mad, apparently, your not meant to do it all at the same time. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Whiteley88 in Sex and shit - Girlfriend - Added: 35 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1473000
Tom Cruise-Writer, producer, actor, director, multi billion dollar box heartthrob was the son of an abusive,child beating,alcoholic...

But he still isn't half the man his father was. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by widowwarmer in Celebrities - Tom Cruise - Added: 36 minutes ago - Current Score: -0.4

1472999
I took my wife to see a plastic surgeon, he suggested we try Jewsons ! I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Chancemyarm in Sex and shit - ??? General - Added: 38 minutes ago - Current Score: -0.6

1472997
My daughter doesn't know how lucky she is.

For the first 9 years of my life, I was a human TV remote. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Homer Simpson in Other - Children - Added: 40 minutes ago - Current Score: -2.2

1472996
What do you call a group of rabbits taking a step backwards?

A receding hare-line. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by binladensson in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 41 minutes ago - Current Score: -0.8

1472995
They say, "a womans work is never done"...

And that's the real reason it's better to be a man. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by lukeeduck in Racism - Sexism - Added: 42 minutes ago - Current Score: 0

1472994
What sort of house do Muslims live in?

Terraraced. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by TheAncient in Religion - Muslim - Added: 42 minutes ago - Current Score: -4

1472993
Christians who discriminate against me for being a satanist can all go to heaven. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by irbaboon in Religion - Satanist - Added: 49 minutes ago - Current Score: 4.6

1472992
Why is Sally Bercow trending?.......Guilty face I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by CornishRebel in In The News - ??? Other - Added: 50 minutes ago - Current Score: -1.2

1472991
What do you call something that is blue and flying around the room?

A baby with a burst lung. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by slipdisc in Other - Surreal - Added: 55 minutes ago - Current Score: -0.6

1472989
"Quit standing naked in front of the window!" I shouted to the wife.

"Fuck you,you bastard!," she fumed,"Let me back inside at once." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by irbaboon in Sex and shit - Nude - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 4.4

1472988
I'm going to look through the pile of CV's on my desk, not that I'm expecting to find anyone suitable.

We're looking for someone who works well on their own and as part of a team. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Milo in Other - Work - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: -0.2

1472986
I saw a Paki being beaten to death outside my kitchen window this morning. I immediately dashed outside and then the enormity of the situation hit me, shit, my toast was burning. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by gandhis sandal in Racism - Pakistani - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: -1.4

1472985
I refuse to put in for promotion at work.

They say the higher the monkey climbs up the tree, the more you see of his arse.

So I'll stick with my job sweeping the floors at the zoo; I get a great view of all that fine monkey arse. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by 8 ace in Other - Work (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: -0.8

1472984
When I'm at work, I like to get all my ducks in a row.

I'm a poulterer with OCD. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by 8 ace in Illness and mortality - OCD (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 0.8

1472983
Two British typhoon fighter jets were this afternoon scrambled to escort an Air Pakistan flight into Stansted when two men on board were reported to be acting suspiciously.

They were spotted opening some deodorant. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Stuart Torrance in Racism - Pakistani (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 0.6

1472981
The old guy next doors been dead a month but nobody realized because I've been stealing his milk... I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Dano1036 in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 9.4

1472982
Family is always there for you, except when you're on trial...

For murdering your family. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by How Long in Crime - Murder (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 0.2

1472980
Following the division of this country after the Woolwich murder, I think that we should change the English flag.

Has anybody seen the flag of Sardinia? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Jjjjjjjj in Religion - Muslim - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 1.2

1472979
When I found out my ginger son was being bullied at school I was there by his side straight away to help.

Me and his bully made a great team. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by sick.fucker in Crime - Bullying - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 0.2

1472978
Police have arrested two men after jet fighters were scrambled to intercept a Pakistani International Airlines flight on it's way to the UK.

The two men, believed to be the captain and the co-pilot, claim that they were just doing their job. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by uglyspud in In The News - Headlines - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 2

1472977
I've done my bit to help poverty in Africa .

I've been around all the villages and given every man, women and child their own rod.

Now we need to pray for some fucking lightening soon.. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Chancemyarm in Racism - African - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: 0.4

1472976
When I found out my son was being bullied in school I changed his name to Welenuff.

You know the old saying

"Leave well enough alone." 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Bachiballs in Other - Sayings - Added: 1 hour ago - Current Score: -2.8

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